I came to ultrarunning with high hopes of being good. I dreamed of podiums and wins, sponsorships and life as a pro athlete. Decent success early on gave me a false sense that I could be good. Like really good if I just believed. Unfortunately, as I reflect back over the past 10 years of being in the sport, I realize that I have made some mistakes—big ones. And I’ve made some mistakes that I might not be able to reverse. Now that I’ve added climbing, skiing and other sports to the list, I am finding more and more that the joy and dedication to run that I once knew is just missing. 

I think my first clue should have been at a race in Utah in 2019, I distinctly remember saying “I didn’t care anymore if I finished or not, I was done” and I dropped out. I thought it was a one-off fluke but as I look back I realize that this was the beginning of a streak that, embarrassingly, would continue until November 2022. I didn’t finish a single ultra that I started until Rio Del Lago 100 Miler in November 2022. The list of unfinished business is long and a hard, hard pill to swallow. I keep finding things to blame it on, my stomach, my hip, my quads, whatever, but somehow something larging seemed to be controlling it. I should have deferred Leadville, Western States and CCC, all races I had the privilege of entering, and all races I did not complete. 

Writing this is both tough and relieving. It is tough because of the sheer embarrassment and horror and hatred I often feel towards myself for how things have gone. Relieving because it helps me remember that there is so much more to life than running, let alone racing, and that going through a divorce, as well as other personal and health issues have likely played a role in my running career, and this is important to acknowledge. 

While I don’t see myself being happy with how things went, I will always be grateful for the opportunities and lessons I’ve learned. The question is; where to from here? Part of me wants to do it all over again, start from square one, give it my all like I used to and really see what I can do, then the other part of me just wants to hang up the shoes, and move on to other goals and objectives. I have been torn like this for the better part of a year and it eats away at me daily, hourly, by the minute. 

The other part of this story is sponsors. Over the past few years I’ve also had disappointing experiences with sponsors, including someone from a brand that will remain nameless admitting to forgetting my name, and as a result misplacing an important email I had sent them. That right there is unacceptable and I hope they read this. Especially having been on the other end of those emails, that is simply not something you admit, even if you were to do it. Brands are also increasingly saying they have “athlete teams” when in fact it’s simply a club you get selected to pay for. That’s not sponsorship, that’s brands making extra money. I’ve turned two of these such offers to date and plan to do so again. Don’t be desperate for recognition and take their bait. 

As I think about all the do’s and don’ts of brand sports marketing managers, I’ve come up with a list below: 

  • Do not ghost anyone: even if you aren’t looking for athletes, always respond. 
  • Do not admit to forgetting an athlete’s name: Just don’t do it. This looks bad and makes the athlete feel like they have zero value to the brand as a human or athlete. Make notes, lots of them, set yourself reminders, whatever you have to do to remember important information. 
  • Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver on. There is nothing worse than being promised the world and then when reality strikes, the brand can’t deliver. Under promise, overdelivery. 
  • Do not play favorites. While it is natural and normal that each athlete will have their own, personal contract, it is also important not obviously treat anyone differently
  • Do not talk about the team to their teammates. This should be obvious, but believe it or not, I’ve known managers that complain about an athlete to their fellow teammate. Not cool, guys. Not cool.
  • Do show that you care and check-in often. Sure money and other perks matter to athletes, but if you don’t show them that you care about them as a human, all the other things don’t matter. 

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